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| CHAPTER
THREE
The challenge of anger |
Written by Tziporah Heller with Sara Yoheved Rigler
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The Talmud equates
an anger-prone person to an idol worshiper, because his own will
has become sacrosanct to him, and on the altar of his will he is
ready to sacrifice his spouse, his children, his friends, and eventually
his whole world. The eighteenth-century mystic, Rabbi Moshe Chaim
Luzzato, wrote: “A furious person could destroy the whole
world if he were able, because his intellect is not ruling over
him at all, and he actually loses his rationality and becomes like
all carnivorous beasts.”
The anger being excoriated here is the anger which destroys relationships,
drowns out rationality, and makes a person say and do things she
will later regret. The antidote to such anger is not repression,
which often leads to greater problems, but to put the person back
in charge of her own reactions.
Impulsiveness
The Maharal of Prague, the great sixteenth-century mystic, wrote
that anger is an attribute which is linked to impulsiveness. Let’s
examine the quality of impulsiveness. According to Mishlei, there
are three types of fools: one who is easily convinced of anything,
one who trivializes what is ultimately important, and one who is
impulsive, who acts on the appearance of the moment.
From these examples it is obvious that being a fool has nothing
to do with intelligence. Some very intelligent people are gullible;
they can see an ad on the bus, and dial that 800 number to receive
their thirty-day free trial of “Hollywood makeup” which
promises to make them look twenty years younger.
Some very intelligent people will trivialize and joke about everything
from decency and modesty to treating the world with respect, to
the point of even trivializing murder, oblivious to any genuine
sense of values. And some very brilliant people, notably great artists
and writers, have destroyed their family lives by acting on an impulse
of passion.
Foolishness is not a function of stupidity, but rather a function
of the balance between our minds and our bodies. In each of the
above cases, the body is acting without the scrutiny of the mind.
Although the mind seems to be functioning, presenting justifications
for the body’s actions, in fact the body is feeding the lines
to the mind, which has suspended its intellectual process: “The
makeup looked so good on those women in the ad.” “Of
course I believe that decency is a value, but I can’t resist
a good laugh.” “I don’t know what got into me.”
In every case, intellectual scrutiny would put the mind in control
of the body and radically alter the course of action.
THE CHALLENGE OF HAPPINESS
One of the most fascinating scenes I have ever witnessed took place
when I was in Las Vegas for a speaking engagement. A friend took
me to see the inside of a casino. I was overwhelmed by the excitement,
the flashing lights, the neon signs advertising the big name entertainers,
the array of food being offered at amazingly cheap prices. Here
was an entire district created for no other purpose than to give
its denizens pleasure (and to give the casino owners profit, of
course). Everything was structured to give people joy, so that they
would look back and say, “That was my happiest weekend.”
But when I actually entered the casinos, I didn’t see a single
smiling face. The people sitting at the gambling tables looked either
anxious, or bored, or jaded. I felt like calling out, “Hello!
Is anybody here having a good time?”
There’s an inherent irony in the subject of this chapter:
Why should being happy be such a challenge? Never before has the
world spent so much of its resources and energy in the pursuit of
happiness. Billions of dollars are spent annually on the entertainment
industry, spectator sports, hobbies, and the acquisition of objects
whose sole purpose is to delight their possessors. Yet observably
people seem no happier today than a century ago when people spent
twelve hours a day working on the farm, ate supper, and went to
bed without watching television, surfing the Net, dining at a gourmet
restaurant, or shopping at the mall. Why, despite all our prodigious
efforts, is it so hard to be happy?
The crux of the problem here is that most people view happiness
as an elusive goal which only the fortunate few will ever really
attain, like earning a million dollars or weighing 110 pounds. In
truth, happiness is a state of mind which every human being can
develop with relative ease. It is not dependent on owning anything,
and can be attained without having a personal trainer or a custom
makeover, or knowing the difference between one vintage wine and
another.
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Feedback
Dear Rebbetzin Heller,
I just purchased your book "lets face it" last week
and I have to write and tell you that you have changed my life.
I had been walking around in such a slump for a long time. I went
to a few Shiurim which left me feeling uninspired, and I was just
thinking how I am stuck with my negative feelings and thoughts
with no way our. Your book has clarified so many thoughts that
were sitting uncrystallised (pardon the spelling) in my brain
and just helped set me straight.
Anonymous from Baltimore
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