"Who can find a woman of valor? For her value is far above
pearls."
The ultimate praiseworthy
woman is called an Eishes Chayil, woman of valor. Chayil - valor
- comes from the same root as chayal - soldier - and literally
means strength. When God tells Moshe to seek out anshei Chayil
to be judges, however, He is referring to men of wealth (which
is, after all, one source of power).
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What exactly does being wealthy mean?
Wealth is conventionallyunderstood as the condition of having
considerably more than one needs. Yet the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos,
Chapters of the Fathers (an exposition of ethical teachings),
defines a rich person as one who is satisfied with his portion,
regardless of its objective size. On the verse: "All the
days of the poor man are bad," the Gaon of Vilna explains
that the truest of all forms of poverty is that which is brought
about by having a nefesh rechavah, a spirit so broad in its neediness
that it cannot be satisfied by anything the world provides.
Does this view from our own sources mesh with the popular understanding
of wealth? Yes, because in fact, Hashem gives everyone more than
he needs, and one's appreciation of what he has is a matter of
choice. This is something we can see if we each look closely at
our portion. A five-minute review in which we thank God for all
the good we experienced during a given day is often a powerful
tool in clarifying our perspective. For example: "I woke
up in Yerushalayim, in my own home, with my children safe. There
was hot water in the bathroom, the weather was good, and the refrigerator
is stocked to a degree that my ancestors never could have imagined…"
creates a sense entirely different from the "another day,
another stove to clean" mentality. My own personal experience
with this spiritual exercise affected my vision of reality very
deeply. We see our portion as being less because we take what
we have for granted and notice only what we do not have.
So the poem begins by referring to the ideal Jewish woman as one
who has the awareness of being blessed with abundance. She is
thus a woman of wealth.
This is particularly to her credit because of the factors that
are ever present in many women's lives, which can lead a woman
to negativism. On a deep level, women tend more towards tzaras
ayin, "narrowness of the eye," than do men. This flaw
can lead to a certain stinginess, and even to begrudging others
the good they have.
This may afflict women in particular because of the complexity
of their role as nurturers. Nurturing involves learning that what
one gives must suit the recipient's need rather than one's own
emotional need to give. Part of this process is being careful
not to give too much.
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