Dear friends,
Age was once respected. Things have changed. Once you are in your mid-twenties people avoid asking you the ‘A’ question. Things were different when you were a child. If someone accused you of being 7 when you were actually 8, you would correct their mistake. After all, you have something to show for the year they omitted. You are bigger, smarter, and more like an adult.. 
What happened?
There are all sorts of theories about why age is perceived in a progressively more negative light as you move onward and upward. One is the untenable fact that you don’t get better and better looking, or more and more energetic. Actually the word undeniable is not a good choice. I have been in denial for years, and so have some of you. You also may discover that at least technologically, you are less with it than the post millennials. We all have literally trillions of neural pathways, but gosh, the ones you developed aren’t the same ones that they did if you were born when your Date of Birth began with the number 19….
Is it always a downhill slide?
Sara lived to be 127. The Torah presents it in three segments. The person she was at 7, the person she was at 20 and the person she was at 100. Each stage is described as holy, innocent and beautiful. 
Do you remember being 7?
I do. It was the age of Mrs. Neary’s second grade classroom being the place where things Happen. It was the era in which my lifelong love of reading began to become real and serious.  I became the heroes of the books that I read, and their adventures filled my rich fantasy life. 
The Bais HaLevi says that this stage is one in which your love of good, of justice and or making something of yourself, begins to show itself. It is potentially the beginning of your becoming a holy person. Then comes adulthood; a time in which the need to actually interact with the real world replaces the unborn aspirations of childhood. It’s a time for fulfilling ambitions so that the inner voice of the child who wants to be a hero can now be heard. This stage also comes to an end. In secular society there is no defined ambition or even purpose for life at this stage. Relaxation, dedicating yourself to pastimes that may give pleasure but rarely give more, are colors on the palette for this era. Given that life expectancy is in the 80s nowadays, this leaves quite a few years without defined structure. Kedushas Levi has a different approach. He says that this time of life is one in which the acquired wisdom of all the previous years meld into a potential self that is both reflective and wise.  For the most part, this is when the Gedolei Torah reached their highest levels.
What does this have to do with you? The basic message is to see that you stay alive throughout your life.  The Talmud tells you that tzadikim are called “living” even after their deaths, while evil people are called dead even while they are physically alive and breathing. The reason that it says this is that life actually involves connection to Hashem. Every stage of life opens its own possibilities.
Sara made use of each stage of her life. We are all in the middle of the drama. 
Here, at Bnos Avigail, Neve, and with you, my dear dear friends who I “know” from the online community, ask the kind of questions that tell me that you are very, very aware of this. 
Simcha comes from resolving doubts. When you see every day as “lihatchila”, as a purposeful gift, there are no real doubts.

Thursday the 25th of Cheshvan, is the sixth year since the Arabs attacked the Bnei Torah shul on Agassi Street in Har Nof killing 6 and seriously wounding 2.  The attackers lived in Jabel Mukaber. Those of you who have been on the Tisha B’Av trip around the hills of Yerushalayim have seen it, even though at the time you didn’t know it. It is the idyllic village that you see when you look towards the Temple Mount from the extreme  left side of the Haas Promenade. My son lived in an adjacent Jewish neighborhood called Nof Tzion for several years. When he looked out the window, he saw the same view that they did; he saw the holiest place of all. The two neighborhoods shared a playground (more correctly the children of Jabel Mukaber found their way to the play area that their neighbors in Nof Tzion constructed). On “our” side many people viewed this as natural, given the closeness of the two neighborhoods, and watched to see what fruits would grow from this particular tree. Others stood aside hoping that there would be no trouble and acknowledging that there were no real choices given that this is where they had chosen to live. 
My granddaughter Oriya played there, and got to know the neighbors. One day, a little girl about her own age said “you know, you can take a different name. You don’t have to be Oriya. You can be Anastasia. Then we can be real friends, and when we grow up, we can go to the mall together. You can be like us”. When she came home and told her mother, my daughter in law knew that the time had come to tell Oriya the truth. She told her about what had happened in Har Nof, and what had happened years ago in Chevron not far from where her aunt currently lives. And then she told her the most important message of all.
You can choose who you want to be every day. You don’t have to be anyone you don’t want to be. You have to watch that no one hurts you, but you don’t have to be someone who likes to hurt people. You don’t have give up being Oriya and be Anastasia to deserve life, and no one has to murder 6 men who came to pray on an ordinary morning because they hate anyone who isn’t what they are. There may be difficult people in your life. You may not be able to choose who they are but you can choose who you are. 
This message is one that can transform the way you look at your life regardless of what stage you are. Choose life. Choose to be the self you want to be.
 
Love,
Tziporah

Dear friends,
 
When you take the first part of this coming week's Parshah and isolate it from the rest of the Torah, you will be able to step out of your picture of Avraham, and see him as he was.
 
He began sensing that the world is a place of wonder when he was a young child. You are familiar with the story of his breaking his father's idols, which took place when he was still young. When you explore the missing years, the Midrashim tell you so much more.
 
Before Nimrod forced him to choose between his belief in Hashem and facing death, he had already spent ten years in prison. He was completely alone with his convictions; the entire world was on the "other side", one in which believing in a personal G-d who loves you, cares for your life’s purpose and who extends His hand to you when you try to find Him was something between a myth and a heresy.
 
In today's world, believing in a Higher Power is socially acceptable, but letting Him into your choice making mechanism is not. Avraham began teaching so that other people would find their places in Hashem's world, and lead lives that have real meaning.
 
It was then that Hashem told him to go to the Land "Where I will show you yourself" as the text tells you. Hashem will always take you to where you have to be in order to discover yourself. Whether you succeed in this mission is up to you; we are sometimes open to self-discovery, and sometimes less so.
 
I am keeping this letter short. The reason is technical, but there is also something to be said for brevity.
 
Avraham's path included not only going to Eeretz Yisrael, but also being forced to leave in the face of a famine. It involved his return, and ultimately his becoming a person of such greatness that literally every Jew and non-Jew in the world is affected by his life to one degree or another.  

Dear friends,
I love reading stories of the Tzadikim except when I don’t. They are uplifting and inspiring on one hand. On the other hand, they can leave me feeling like the spiritual equivalent of the overweight overaged person in the picture that is captioned, “Before”, facing the svelte young beauty labeled “After”.  One example of how overwhelming things can appear is what happens when I spend time reading the excellent biography of the Chofetz Chaim,  reading about how he ultimately achieved perfect control over his speech (albite after many struggles). I like to be positive, but never uttering a needless rant is an entirely different story (pun intended). It’s not just that I am far from the goal; I am also not sure that in this lifetime I will ever reach it.
That’s why Noach’s story is so genuinely inspiring. He was a tzadik in his own times, and in his own way. Could he have been greater still if he lived in Avraham’s era? Maybe. It doesn’t matter. He was great enough to save the world. He had to face the life he had, not the one that Avraham had.  You have to live in your skin, so do I. When you face imperfection, far too often the next step is blame (it comes disguised as understanding the circumstances).
He lived in impossible times.
His world was totally corrupt and headed to the point of no return. When Hashem told him that the world had to be erased in order to begin again, he didn’t argue
Would Avraham have argued? 
If you compare him to Avraham, the contrast is overwhelming. Avraham bargained with Hashem over the city of Sodom and Amorah even though their evil was so painfully and visibly present. 
Would Moshe have argued with Hashem over the fate of the world?
Moshe went much further. When the Jews of his time worshipped the golden calf, instead of taking Noach’s approach (let them be erased if that means a new beginning), or Avraham’s (if there is critical mass, you can save everyone; the example of even 10 people committed to living decently will have influence). Moshe took it much much further. “Erase me form Your book”, he said, almost forcing Hashem acquiesce to his demand to let them live, accept them as they are, and Moshe bonded himself completely to the Jewish people when they were at their worst
Hashem knew what Noach didn’t know. He knew that it is only fair to open doors even if there is no likelihood that anyone will walk through and enter another room. He commanded Noach to build an ark. It took years. People asked him what he was doing. He didn’t hide anything from them. They mocked him and despised him, to the point that they saw him as a patronizing fool, and  an ideological enemy.  He didn’t save them, but he didn’t waver.
Did he make any baalei tshuvah? Not even one.     
Noach isn’t the only hero of the story. Chazal present us with a view that his wife was Naamah. Her family line is not impressive. She was a descendant of Kayin, whose view of the world was one in which there was little room for anything but his own fulfillment. Seven generations later, her father, Lemach, (the man who introduced polygamy to the world in the pre-flood era by having one wife for pleasure and one for family . Obviously both were exploited.) One brother introduced the idea of making music, one of the most spiritually alive experiences, and using it for idol worship. Another took animal farming to a new level by introducing itinerant ranching. I third was gifted. He understood using metal. He used this gift to make weapons. Naamah’s name literally means pleasant, and it was given to her to tell us about her deeds. She too stood alone.
Every human being in the world is a descendant of this pair. That tells you that no matter what your surroundings, family, or personal predilection is, you can be a tzadik.
The year on the ark was one in which they had to find the potential within themselves to build again. In order to do this, Hashem put them in the position of constant moment to moment chessed. They had taken refuge from a world that was defined as being a world of “grabbers and takers to the point of violence, promiscuity and finally instinctively ignoring other people’s right to even the smallest amount of their own  property, and they turned it into being a world based on the most h human and G-dlike part of what we can be,
Givers
24/7
To the animals.
A great deal of giving takes place nowadays. There are those who supply people who are in quarantine with everything that they need. Great Rabbanim such as Rav Zilberstein have “children’s hour” telephone shows. We are alone more than ever. We are people hungry. We are longing for more contact, and reaching out. We are not perfect. Maybe we are like Noach.
Maybe we have to keep trying to love the people we long to be with, believe in ourselves.
Even when we fail, we can come to see ourselves the way Hashem sees us. When Noach and his family came off the ark, Hashem made a sign of his commitment to refrain from ever destroying the world again by making another flood. The sign is the rainbow. The seven colors of the spectrum are really all manifestations of white, the color of light. Because light refracts and is picked up by pigment in different ways, you see colors.
Maybe, just maybe, my fellow imperfect tzadik, we can all learn to see it a little more clearly, we can see other people’s different ways of expressing Hashem’s light, and see our own version of this light.
In ourselves
In others
And in the world Hashem creates
Movement by moment.
Love,
Tziporah

The number seven is so much part of the Great Plan. The entire creation came into existence in 6 days, but it didn’t come to an absolute standstill. Surprisingly the menuchah that Hashem created was active; Hashem allowed kedushah (transcendent holiness) to enter, so that later people like you and I have the ability to get out of a picture so that you can see the picture without distorting it by putting yourself in the center. The menuchah of the 7th day brought kedushah with it, so that you can see both the art and the Artist in ways that elude you during the 6 days when you are occupied with the business of living your life. 
Let’s look at the number six- the number that Hashem used in creating everything mundane. The number fits; every material object has 6 sides (the four sides plus up and down). However, something of the 7 touches 6. No matter how thin an object is, it also has an interior. This is where the number seven “lives” it is the pnimiyus, reality’s inner dimension. Today’s Haftorah is the 7th one of the “Shiva Dinechemta” the seven Haftorah’s of consolation. In many ways, its themes tell you the inner realities of Hashem’s evolving plan for the world, describing both the 6 (the external nature of redemption) and 7 (it’s inner meaning).

WHAT DOES IT SAY? 

“You will be happy, you will rejoice” you as a nation, and you as an individual are in for changes. Two words that mean happiness that used at the beginning (Soss and Tagel) were chosen carefully. The word “soss” means external and collective happiness, the kind that was felt on VE day, when news of a final victory in Europe hit the States. My mother told me how throngs of people spontaneously headed to the streets to celebrate together. The geulah is a time of far greater victory; the final defeat of evil will bring the people of the world together in ways that not only haven’t ever been equaled, but can’t even be imagined. “Tagel” is related to the word “gil” which (as Malbim explains) is used to describe inner joy. Only you know what finally being rid of all of your devils, your vulnerabilities, fears, and scars will feel like. It isn’t only the world that will be healed, you too will be healed. Malbim compares your personal geulah to a tailor-made garment that fits you uniquely. No one else can “wear” it or even fully understand it.

What if we aren’t ready?

Yishaya tells us that Hashem will never let you reach the point of no return, or allow Yerushalaim to disappear. He has” placed guardians at the gates”.  Who are these guardians? The meforshim take you in many directions. Perhaps, as Yalkut suggests, one may be Michael, the great angel who offers the souls of the Tzadikim before Hashem, drawing down their merits. Perhaps Gavriel who is empowered by Hashem to bring justice to our enemies is the other guardian. Perhaps, it is the merit of the Avos whose lives go beyond their lifetimes and are the ones who drew angelic intervention. Perhaps (Alsheich suggests) it is those who devote themselves to living like the Avos, in total devotion to Torah that brings them down to this world. Perhaps it is tefillah, maybe even your tefillah. The important thing, Yeshaya tells you, is don’t be silent; keep asking and longing.  And if there isn’t enough merit, the geulah will come anyway, and the day will arrive when the brilliance and clarity of what lies inside, under the surface will be recognized even by the non-Jewish world. 

The bills will be paid. Good and evil can’t coexist in uneasy harmony. Evil has to be destroyed and Yishaya tells you in no uncertain terms that everything that Edom represents will no longer have a place on the planet. They will be utterly defeated and destroyed. Hearing this isn’t just meant to leave you with a feeling of optimistic hope. It should awaken your ability to see that Hashem is with you in your suffering.
What does it mean?

One of the final psukim in today’s Haftarah is, “In all of your sorrow, He has (no) sorrow”. You didn’t see a typo. The word for “him” lo, is written with a vav. If written with an aleph, it means, “not”. Let’s look at how both meanings relate to you. Hashem when ‘lo’ is read as though it is written with a vav, the Shlah explains, it tells you that Hashem indeed is with you, and always has been. There are times when you make it hard for Him to maintain His deep connection because you can close the door against Him with such force that you end up drowning in a whirlpool of doubt/fear/innui/escapism. The more you try to get out the more the chaos  deafens you with its unceasing roar. It is when you feel you can’t try any longer, that you have taken yourself out of the center. .. At that point Hashem is with you, feels your pain, and waits for the moment when your eyes are open enough go to grab at a rope he tosses towards you. It can save you if you see it. Let’s say that you do. It seems too far for you to reach; you have exhausted yourself to the degree that you don’t know if you can make it. The next moment you are holding onto the rope, and can feel yourself being pulled to safety. This is the syatta di’Shmaya that can bring you back to being the seeker that you want to be, and know that you can be. Seeing you in pain and struggling is His pain, His sorrow.  This is Lo with a vav. 

Let us now understand the pasuk with ‘vov’ with an aleph.   Once you are safe, something changes. No more self-imposed chaos. You are clear about one thing; your place is dry land; stability, growth and dveikus. At that point the One who let you feel the pull of the water, and the awesome fear of death that you experienced is not sorry that this is what you went through. It was needed. It seed you life. ‘Lo tzar’, He has no sorrow for what happened. His “lo” is with an aleph . 

WHAT DOES IT SAY TO YOU?

Your personal geulah is a tailor-made garment. Hashem is with you in your struggles He is the hidden author of your book. This is true for us as a nation just as much as it is for individuals. Our national identity is our relationship with Hashem. Other nations “find themselves” through their interactions with the world through agriculture, technology, natural science in all of its forms, they live in the world of the 6. We don’t - we have a deep need to find the inner dimension, which is the part of us that is inherently connected to Hashem. There have been times when our sense of self as a nation has floundered.

​We struggle, come close to extinction but Hashem is always with us, saves us, and gives us the opportunity to rediscover the joy of return.
 
Love Tziporah

Dear friends,
I love Elul. The freshness, the hope, and most of all the sense of being able to negotiate the past and present are all so sweet.

The Ohr HaChaim lets you answer the doubts that tend to rise when you feel like you are treading water. You want to be more and do more, but sometimes you may feel defeated. 
Look at yourself hard enough to notice that there are three hurdles to deal with.  They are universal, and that tells you that you can deal with them, just as every other human can; we face the enemy, and find that he is us…and often times we win.

1-The yetzer hara (generally translated as the evil inclination) has to be understood. Everyone likes destruction. It’s empowering! It can be (ironically) so charged that you can confuse it with creativity. If you can get yourself back to your post toddler years you may remember how good it felt to knock down the leggo tower that you just built. It made you feel “in charge”, empowered, and strong. Here’s where things get complicated. You knew the good feeling of destruction even before you knew how good it is to give and to connect. The yetzer hara has been with you for years; he has a head start.

2-The problem of instant gratification can’t be overstated. Saying the wrong thing, but feeling the surge of “gotcha” happens in seconds. Impulsivity in every area of sensory pleasure is often the tool that the yetzer hara uses to get you to do what you would never do in a saner moment. 

3-Your sense of “normal” can change. The third time you make a bad choice and do something that you know very well is bad for you, t doesn’t overwhelm you with guilt the way it may have done the first time. 
After analyzing why things are so hard to change, Ohr HaChaim doesn’t leave you in the lurch. “It’s true”, he says, “If you and to fight this battle alone, with your strength as your only ally, you would recognize that you will lose. You just don’t have the strength to win this kind of war. However, the Torah tells you that even when actual soldiers went to war in earlier times, a specially appointed Kohein had to tell him, “Hashem’s is with you. His great strength will save you”

There are all sorts of ways in which you can do the equivalent of opening y our h and to receive Hashem’s help. Rav Meilech Biderman wrote,  Learn from a ship at sea.

It says in Yirmiyahu, “Who places a path in the sea”, Hashem makes it possible for you to navigate even when there are no signs to guide you. This the Arizal said, refers to Elul. Objectively there are no paths in the sea. There is no set route so you have to chart your own path. There are some basic rules you have to know, (such as how to use a compass), but for the most part he is on his own. 

Everyone has his own path, his own purpose in being here, and his own destination. Everyone has to discover their own path of tshuvah. You find your way based on examining your talents, your tests, and the role that Hashem gave you in life. Each one of these three things ultimately are gifts, presented to you so you can become the person you want to become. 
​
When you examine yourself honestly, it’s time to go on to the next step. You open your hand and to receive the help Hashem has ready to extend to you from the moment you were created.

Your path. Your destiny.
Your set of wings
That take you higher
Into a place that you
Never never never
Wanted to go
Until you were there.
Love, 
Tziporah    

Dear friends,
​
Can you really choose life? Isn’t being alive or not out of your hands?
The fact that the Torah tells you to choose life means that you can look and see that Hashem put before your life and death, blessing and curse, and then tells you:

Choose life!

The Torah would never tell you to do something that you can’t’ do no matter how you try. It’s the Torah of life! Not a collection of dry principles that are inapplicable to ordinary people and apply exclusively to the Very Righteous. 

What actually is involved in choosing life? Before going further, it’s important that you and I are on the same page when we talk about what the word life actually means. The dictionary begins its definition of life by offering two options. One is “The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body. The principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings …The second it “the Sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual.” On the surface of things neither definition lends itself to being available to you as a choice. The qualities that make you at least “not dead”, are not qualities that your efforts or money can acquire. You also can’t choose your experiences.   

That’s only when you decide to stay on the surface. There is more out there than surface experience. Where does the “principle or force” actually originate? Did it make itself?  Sfas Emmes would say that Hashem vivifies everything you will ever see or experience. There is what he calls “an internal point” of connection between any dimension of reality and Hashem Himself. It is He who generates innumerable forces to “make up the physical and mental experiences” that make up your existence. He is both the source of life, and the orchestra leader who composes its unending symphony. You can choose to uncover the concealed source of life as you live ordinary life, working, eating, interacting with others and making the daily choices that face you, or you can choose to live on the surface. One problem in choosing to live on the surface is that the physical world is death bound. Did you ever look around at all of your Stuff-you know the Stuff you buy, store, use, enjoy? Did you notice that it is headed towards oblivion? I don’t think in those terms very often, but every so often I let myself take it in. There is a choice I can make that changes the picture. If I choose to find the spark of eternity in all that Stuff, by letting it take me (and it!) to its root, then it never really dies.

My kids are good kids, Baruch Hashem (for sure it is His grace, not my somewhat shall we say, ‘A’ for effort parenting). Two of them decided (without being asked!) that it would be nice to offer my husband and I an escape from the covid generated isolation we have been in long enough to contract a bit of cabin fever. Sky, earth and variation becomes precious when you don’t have enough of it for a while.  Child number 1 decided that he could figure out a tiyul that have the magic word, OUTSIDE and at the same time bring us to places where we could maintain isolation. He took us on a trip to Maarat Hamachpeila late morning when there were no organized prayers going on, and from there to the tomb of Ruth and Yishai, and onwards to mountain spring in Bat Ayin, off again to a fenced off beach in Ashkelon and finally to the tomb of the prophet Samuel. Yes. All in one day. By the time we got home we were totaled, and didn’t want to go anywhere else for the next century or so. However, three days later we were once more Ready to Go, and another child did the organizing. This time we were off to Shiloh, the site of the ancient mishkan (sanctuary). We saw the place where it once was. I looked around me, and realized that the stones and the earth are still alive with the same force that was there when the Jews first laid eyes on its thousands of years ago. The same is true of all of the places we saw and all of the land that we tread upon, the spring at Bat Ayin and the waves hitting the sand on Ashkelon’s lonely shore. And here in Yerushalaim, and back where you are. In the States or anywhere on the globe. There is life force to discover. Always. You can reframe your life to learn to feel it.

 “There she goes. Who says I want to reframe my life?” Listen to the reframes, and take in that they may be what you need to choose life. There are seven in Orchot Tzadikim, but we will just  look at two of them this time around.’

1 - Realize that Hashem has compassion for every human being. He has more compassion for you, than you will ever have for yourself   Compassion isn’t’ pity - it’s closer to love than to patronizing solicitousness (how’s that for a big word no one ever uses? Isn’t playing scrabble worth-while?)  You may think at times, that you are the only one who knows your feelings and what your heart tells you. You aren’t. Hashem sees what you and I see, the surface of reality. He also sees far more than that. He sees your inner life more clearly than you do, knows your fears and pain without the defenses that you put up. You may at this point say, “Where I am today has nothing to do with Hashem. I killed so many relationships dead, I let my ego trap me so many times.  This may be true.

That doesn’t mean that Hashem won’t re-open doors that you closed. As long as you are physically alive (which you usual can tell…) the message is that Hashem believes that you have a reason to be here, that your inner capacity for living a genuine, meaningful, contributive, joyous life are all still in the picture.
2 - All of the benefit that you have ever reaped from any other human comes through them (for which they deserve acknowledgment validation and thanks) but from Hashem. No one can give you what they don’t have; whatever you received from your parents, mentors, friends, spouses are real. They made the choice to care. Nonetheless, all they can give is what they have, and everything they have comes from Hashem, whose love for you is ultimately the source of their love. Knowing this and living this is what choosing life is about. 

So much for now!
​
Well, stay alive till next time…
Love,
Tziporah  

Dear friends,

I begin this letter with mixed feelings. On one hand, I am not sure how much to share with you, and on the other hand, I like you far too much to keep much back. 

I received a wedding gift today, one that put any other gift we received in the shade.
It is a check for $9. It was sent from a man who began corresponding with me years ago. He reads Hamodia, and likes the Torah articles. He had a question and a comment on an article I wrote, and we have been corresponding since. He is a prisoner in a federal facility. 

In the course of the time he has been incarcerated he has developed himself spiritually in ways that we can all envy (or at least admire). Keeping kosher, studying Torah and most of all not being destroyed by an environment that tells you hundreds of times a day that you are unworthy in every possible way, is a great feat. Many people have been reduced to emotional and spiritual pulp in situations that are far less overwhelmingly negative. On one of my trips to the States, I travelled out to his “home” a medium security jail, together with another woman. Our aim was to meet him, and give him something small. In order to arrange our visit, we registered, arrived at the right time, and then sat through an indeterminant amount of time while all of the prisoners were counted before they could enter the large public room where visitations take place. The vast majority of visitors were women whose faces told me that they are mothers and wives. In the short time we spent with him, we got a feel for what it means to never have warm food, because if it koshers it’s cold. Never turning your back on your”friends”. There were some rays of light in the darkness. One was having visits from an unbelievable group of frum men who come out on a regular basis to learn with and to bring chizuk to someone who was once just a stranger to them. I didn’t notice any others. 

The $9 is more than he earns in a week doing the kind of work available in the lock-up. It means real sacrifice of small things that help make life bearable. 

I made a decision on the outset not to ask questions about his pre-prison life. It would be intrusive, and in a certain sense voyeuristic. In the note he sent with the check, he expressed regret that he couldn’t attend my wedding personally. “I won’t be here forever” he wrote. I hope the day will come when my husband and I can have him over for a Shabbos in our home.

Why was I reluctant to write this? I like to write about either the parshah, or what is going on in your lives or in mine. His story is not one that will resonate to you, at least not on the surface. You don’t live his life, nor do you know what getting up in his cell feels like. When I thought about it more, I changed my mind. It occurred to me that in some regards we are all imprisoned. Some of us have addictive behaviors, others are locked into families that are so hard to navigate that your love for them and your belief in yourself can barely coexist. Almost all of us are locked into self imposed traps where the person you want to be and the person you are barely on speaking terms. The good news, is that you can be like my acquaintance, Mr. G., who is free in the deepest sense of the word. His trick (from the outside) is that he has realistic aspirations and knows what steps he can take to make them actually happen.

The reason that I decided to write it anyway isn’t just because of the message of dignity and hope that came with the $9. It’s because it is actually related to one of this week’s Parshah’s most moving questions; What does Hashem want of you? You may have tied yourself down to one of the answers that work for most people . He wants you to do all the mitzvos. But not only that . You have to get your kids into the best schools. Make a great shidduch. See that the couple can get by in the beginning at least. You want to marry (or stay married), raise perfect kids (have you met one lately?), have a rewarding career (In every sense of the word rewarding). The proof that these are popular goals is that this is where the majority of people invest not only their time, but their hearts and souls. The Torah tells you that all that Hashem wants of you is to fear Him. 

Fearing Hashem isn’t the same thing as dreading punishment. That has nothing to do with Hashem; it’s about fear of suffering.  Your first step in learning fear of Hashem means taking in some of the wonder and enormity of His creativity and power. The next step is to envision yourself working in the perfect job, one that you have dreamed of forever. Your employer is brilliant, generous, and has told you that your work is more than good-it’s great. If you were given an assignment you would relate to it seriously. If you see the deadline approaching, you might begin to feel some anxiety. Is it because you think that the boss will slap you? Hit you? Hold a staff meeting in order to humiliate you? Of course not. Your anxiety is born fear of losing his respect, admiration, and possibly your position. Along the same lines, realize that Hashem has given you an assignment that only you can do. You don’t want to lose the bone that you are building as you do this assignment. 

The sages play on the word mah, which means “What”? They point out that it is very similar to the word “meah” which means a hundred. “What does Hashem want of you? “ they ask enigmatically, “To say 100 blessings a day”, which plays out by your seeing everything that you eat, see, touch or experience has being a gift from Hashem, for which you can/should bless Him.  This means that you are on assignment, your job is to find Hashem in the world regardless of your situation, and to become His servant. Mr. G. is on assignment. 

He is on assignment. He has no complaints to The Boss. He does his job as best he can. 
So are you
And I
On assignment with the knowledge
Of the dazzling
Brilliant 
Beloved
Place that your heart becomes as you go on one step
At a time.
​
Love,
Tziporah    

​Dear friends,
​
When you study Western history, you may notice after you passed your last exam that you were really studying the history of warfare. When you study Jewish history, you find something else. It is the history of moral triumph (and at times defeat), and the accompanying history of scholarship. One of the major exceptions is in this week’s Parshah. You have the Jews being told to wage war against the Midianites, and it is part of our sacred history-part of the Torah. The question is why?

It's not because we ever saw war as a test of nationhood. War is by nature brutal and often tragic. It is, however a test of what you are willing to fight for, and possibly to sacrifice for. Most of the wars you read about when you learn history were fought for expansion and a subtle but toxic something called national pride. (Think of the Napoleonic wars, the endless battles for a “place in the sun” that led to the colonial wars in Africa, the underlying issues in the war in Viet Nam and more). The wars the Jewish nation fought were by Hashem’s command to claim our land (after offering peace terms to the non-Jewish inhabitants allowing them to continue living in Israel as law abiding citizens who keep the Noachide laws). 

The war against Midian was different. It was not for survival (such as the war with the Amalekites who attacked us in the desert right after the sea split). It was not because we were under physical threat in Eretz Yisrael. It was because we were under threat for our very existence - an existence which is defined by who we are as Jews. 

They tried to destroy us morally by instructing their daughters to attract and later seduce young Jewish men. How did they do this? They set up a bazaar, and when a young man would come in to look at the goods, the middle-aged saleswoman would suddenly “need a break” and send in an attractive young woman to “substitute”. She had a script. Looking him straight in the eye, she would begin a dialogue that sounded something like this:
He “How much is the rug?”
She, “40 dinar. May I just ask you one thing before you go? I’ve always been fascinated by the Jews”
He: (with tolerant smile, always happy to help…) “sure”
She, taking out a box of tissues or whatever they used in the desert 4000 years ago. “WHY Do you hate us?”
He “I don’t hate you! Why do you think I hate you?”
She, “You won’t celebrate with us. You always find excuses to avoid being with us. There’s a major festival tonight. I know your type. You won’t be there. You think you’re above us”. This is said between little sobs and shaking shoulders.
He. “You have it all wrong. I’ll be there”

And he was, and he found himself in a world he always avoided, with women he would never see again. 
What did they believe? We don't know much about their systems any more.  Whatever it was, it robbed the ordinary Joe's and Janes of the idea of having a real relationship with the Creator. They thought that they were too small, to low, and that any belief in human morality or potential was an enemy from whom they had to escape. You find this today, when people who live with sins, that are described as ‘abominations’ in the Torah, cover it up with a platina of pride. 

The name of their idol was Baal Pe’or.  The Master of the Gap. The gap in question is the anal cavity. They would defecate before their god. What were the adherents of this bizarre mode of worship thinking? The Chassam Sofer explains that they were making a statement. “G-d in heaven doesn’t want (or can’t have) anything to do with us. We are base and gross. Unworthy and unable to relate to G-d’s transcendence and compassion. They were as the French philosopher Camus (who would have felt right at home with the Midianites) would say, “We are like whales stretched out on a beach” almost dead, but in the sun. Certainly, closer to an animal than to a person.  Do what you want. The animals do! Would sum up their theology.
A rabbi was on a plane, and his seat mate took note of the kosher food that he had ordered. The other man had also made a special request and his vegan food came shortly after the kosher tray was passed over his head. “I don’t eat other animals” he said, making note of the tepid chicken served on the overcooked rice on the rabbi’s tray. “Why not? The “other animals” eat each other animals”, the rabbi replied. “Most are not vegan”.… 

We are not animals. Our ancestors had to fight against those who would redefine them as such. It was a hard fight. It is a battle that some of us have to fight fairly often.

Outsmarting an enemy is the best way to do battle against him.  Get in touch with your nature, and use it to serve Hashem. You are not an animal who eats because the food is there, and it looks good. If you take the laws of kashrut seriously it gives you the means of being truly human, not another animal. You can learn to feel the good “Gaavah d’kedushah” pride in being holy.  Communicate with Hashem. He loves your words and even if the words of the siddur don’t flow from your heart, He loves the person who opened the siddur in an effort to speak to Him on His terms. Every mitzvah you do is eternal. Every time you learn something new, you are validating the entire purpose of the world’s creation.

You are important
Human
Possessed of a soul
That lasts forever.

Love,
Tziporah             

Dear friends,
Today begins the period on the calendar called the three weeks. It’s a time of diminished joy, a time in which you try to deal with the realities of our lives as individuals who are no longer part of a nation that has claimed an indigenous culture, land or language. You are part of the Great World, but not consistently really at home.

Those of you who live in the States are aware of the rise of a new brand of Black anti-Semitism. I saw a clip in which one of the leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement stood in a large public area near a Jewish neighborhood. Pointing at the homes, he asked his adoring audience, “. Who owns these homes?” and the answer was “The Jews” “How did they get them?” “White Privilege”. The fact that the Jewish refugees struggling to keep alive, keep their kids in school, and maybe belong to a synagogue were not a privileged bunch by anyone’s definition when they hit the shores of the US is not relevant when you are selling hatred. Just don’t bother him with facts. Also, if he tells you that as a Jew you don’t belong, you are just a leech trying to suck his blood, don’t ask him where you do belong.  The answer won’t be Israel. From his perspective, Israel deserves vindictive financial and physical consequences for being racists who are addicted to committing daily genocide against our Partners for Peace.

How would you like it to be if you had your “druthers”?

Do you dream of peace (which means acceptance and validation, not just non hostility)? I have really terrible news, and some marvelous news as well.

The bad news is that it’s not going to change until we change. The same way the galus was predicted, the redemption is predicted. The good news is that it will definitely change, and so will we. The kind of rave I saw is typical for galus; the 2000-year exile we are so accustomed to. In fact, it feels unpleasant, but normal. The good news is that it is the same Torah that told us that we can open our hearts, redefine ourselves as a G-dly people and affect the entire world. 

These 21 days are days of re-evaluation of who we are, much as the 21 days between Rosh Hashanah Hashanah Rabbah. You have to first figure out who you aren’t and who you don’t want to be before you can go onto becoming something more.

What don’t we want?

The bloodbath that spelled out the destruction of the Temple. The subsequent expulsions in countries where we lived lives in which we felt we were completely accepted until it became clear that we were never genuinely accepted. We don’t like being forced to move on from country to country until you can find Jews in every country on the planet. We don’t like learning hard lessons, such as the fact that as long as you define yourself as a citizen of the world rather than as yourself, the world will not accept you, nor has it ever done so for very long. 

There has never been world peace (without even considering the way Jews are dealt with) and there is a reason for this. Peace can only occur when there is recognition that each and every piece of the puzzle has a place to be. When you try to homogenize the nations you reap the raw hostility that erupts every year or so because no one wants to be destroyed or repressed or to be left with no identity. 
The function of the Jews as a people is to exemplify what the puzzle can look like through the example we set. In the Maharal’s vocabulary this kind of example is called “tzurah” or structure. The tzurah presented in the Torah is big enough for each nation to be itself (which is why in classical Judaism converting other people is not quite the thing to do; If a person was born a non-Jew, he has a piece of the puzzle that is real and important. Why trade it in for another one with a Jewish star on it? If he/she says, I never really belonged. I need the structure the Torah provides, then he or she is now an official member of the clan (after circumcision for men and immersion in the mikveh for both men and women). 
The Torah is the structure that Hashem gave us to know how to put the pieces together.  “structure”.

​You have 21 days to be less distracted and more focused on one thing.
Are the way things being now the way you want them to be?
Do you like hatred?
How’s about violence?
What about change?

During the 820 years the Bais HaMikdash existed, we had structure. Something of the Bais HaMikdash still remains. Get yourself to the the Kotel (okay, go to Aish and see the Kotel through their 24-hour camera). Let it speak to you. Let it inform you that you are part of something bigger than yourself, and that the structure you want to govern your life is the one that was created by the One who simultaneously re-creates the world over and over giving you chance after chance to bring meaning to your life and to enjoy His world. Just get the rules right.
 
Use the time well!
Love,
Tziporah