Dear friends,

Did you ever notice that your body and your soul feel they are just as hostile as towards each other as Muhammed Ali the famous boxer would be if he had to fight the angel Gabriel?  Your body and soul engage in no holds barred battles at times. What makes it more complex, of course is that it is you against you. Both sides of you are creations of G-d. They have one source, and its up to you to do what you can to make peace between them. The Torah tells you “be holy”.  If you were in the midst of the battle between you and you, what would this tell you to do? 

The literal meaning of sanctity in Judaism is being separate from everything that limits you-subjectivity, time, and space.

TIME our lives are short, far too short to do and see everything that came way before your entrance, and will continue afterwards. I personally suffer from a permanent case of FOMO (fear of missing out).
SUBJECTIVITY begins when you interpreted life from the vantage point of your personal experience as a child. I still remember our cleaning man, Buzzy. He had gold teeth. He was tall, and to me as a young child was almost mythic in his presence and strength. My impression of Black people is altered by his presence in my life. How can you possibly move beyond subjectivity? 

PLACE You also live in your own “space”. I will always be touched by the combination of the secular but very Jewish Flatbush of my youth, Crown Heights, Yerushalaim and more. Each place left an imprint. How can the Torah possibly expect me (or anyone else) to rise beyond the inherent limitations that are part of living? 
It doesn’t expect you to win the battle. It expects you to keep fighting. 

There are two separate but not contradictory paths to walk. One is facing up to the enemy. Escape is neither possible nor desirable. 

Learn to say “no”. I have my ups and downs. Once, when I realized that fudging things when cornered is a real limitation, I resolved to stop. No more semi-truths. I was crossing the street at a red light in the Central bus station here in Yerushalaim. A young policewoman stopped me with a real “gotcha” look in her eye. She asked me whether I noticed that the light was red. I knew that the line she expected was “no. I just was in such a hurry that I wasn’t paying attention”, which most likely led to a “next time pay attention!” song of victory and a ticket. Instead, I told her the truth. “I noticed.” “Was there some kind of emergency?” “No’. By this time her sense of victory had melted away. She was not used to fighting when there was no enemy. She gave me a ticket, and she was almost in tears as she handed it to me. I didn’t know that this is how things would have worked out. We were both more human at the end of the less than five-minute interaction. If it hadn’t, I still would have gained something real by resisting the very real temptation to save myself 180 shekels by fudging it. I won this round. 

The other path is learning to say “yes”. I will do what Hashem wants of me, rejoice in the feeling it gives me, and use the same energy for something better in the future. Fiery orators who changed the world for the good could have been manipulative domestic monsters if they had not used the love of combat for the good. One path is conquest, and the other path is redirecting. Either way, your victory will be real, strengthening you for the next round. The Torah tells you “Be holy, because I Hashem your G-d is holy”. He is transcendent, beyond limitation and most relevantly willing to give you something of Himself when you ask for it.  

He did something more. He gave us the rules. If you look at Shabbos for a minute, you see both paths merging. There are all the don’ts. No phone. No car. No fast food. No limitations. No ego. No “it’s all about me”. You win this one. There are all of the “yes”. Can you handle eating exquisite food (okay, maybe my food isn’t’ exquisite, but the Moroccan fish (or Yellow Nile Perch) isn’t bad. Neither is the mousse. It certainly lets you step back and recognize that the world Hashem made for you is one in which there is so so much pleasure given as a free gift. You like the way your house looks; you like the way you look. You like your guests or your hosts. There is al awful lot of “yes”. 

Your life is unique. There will be many times in which you are challenged, and you (hopefully) will have to courage to say no. To dishonesty. To despair and fear. To rejection. To losing your bond with Hashem. There will be many times in which you will have the opportunity to say yes. Use your talents and abilities meaningfully. Take the material realities of your life, and uplift them. Make the world a better place by giving charity. Talk to G-d so you feel His presence as an alternative way of communicating your vulnerability to other people. Let Him into your life. Talk to Him as you would talk to good friend.
Your life has so many chapters!  This is not only true of your personal history, but it is true of the flow of time and its faithful diary, human history. Every era has its challenges and its inspiration. Sometimes there are gigantic people, such as Avraham or Moshe, who find Hashem through the depth and commitment of their personalities and righteousness. Their lives were extraordinary, but one thing sticks out. They didn’t have it easy. They didn’t have constant visible interventions. The miracles that they experienced were enormous, but infrequent. This was the path that Hashem set forth for them. Later generations (especially in the time of the Temple the miracles were more frequent (imagine going to the Bais HaMikdash just to see a few of the constant miracles). 

In the time of the Second Temple the miracles were even more frequent, almost unbelievably so, because the darkness of the time demanded that the people (who were no where near the level of Avraham or Moshe) be fed more light. Hashem makes each era uniquely. The one thing that is true of every era, is that Hashem gives you the way to reach out in its frame. All of the streams lead us to the era of Moshiach, each era in its own way.

The trick is to figure out YOUR live, and YOUR times.  The Corona virus challenges you in every way. You don’t know where your life will take you. No one is really “safe” (and no one ever was). You are facing uncertainty wherever you look. Don’t feel lost.
​
The path is the same one that humans faced all along. Learn to say no. Learn to say yes. Learn enough Torah to fit it into your moment to moment reality. No matter what, your stream will take you to the great river of the era in which the whole world is full of knowledge of G-d as the sea floor is full of water.
 
Love,
Tziporah  

​Dear Friends,

I haven't been in touch for a really long time. So much has happened since we we were last in contact.

The Corona epidemic emptied the schools here in Eretz Yisrael. At first many of the girls who were planning on being at home for Pesach were sorely disappointed - they knew if they were to return that they couldn't get back into Israel without 14 days of quarantine, which can't take place in a dorm. Then, as the need for greater precautions were announced, it was clear that the schools would have to close, leaving the girls with not option but to return.

The salt water that you will soon be eating at the seder was felt and the recognitions that Hashem is forcing so many people out of His land was bitter. The isolation that the government had the foresight to impose was the first ray of light from my perspective. No distractions.  No escapes.

You have no choice (unless you want to fill the empty spaces with denial) to recognize that every breath of air is a gift. 

Every moment of life is a gift.

Every person you encounter is a messenger with something Hashem has arranged for him to give you.

This week's parsha, Tzav talks about many offerings. One of them is the korban todah. It was offerred when a person recovers from a serious illness, is released from prison, returns from a potentially dangerous sea journey, or crosses the desert. I can hear the audible 'why?' but the nagging question that I ask so many times, raises its head: 'Well, who caused the illness?". Who allowed the danger?" The answer as usual, is far more complex.

The Torah tells us that in the future all of the sacrifices will no longer be offered except for the Thanksgiving offering. The reason that it won't join the other korobonos is because, in the future, you will see that all of the pain, lonliness, danger and feelings of being trapped and imprisoned, were all for your good.

Hashem gave me personally a wonderful gift, in bringing me my chossen, Rabbi Gottlieb together. I hope that some of the light we feel can be felt by you too.

Emunah is the source of all joy.
Make it yours,
Let it make you its beloved companion.

a safe shabbos,

Tziporah

Dear friends,

The questions that can’t be answered are much more numerous than the ones that can. The news reports are endless, flooding you with a river of facts and semi-facts. How many people were stricken? How many are under quarantine. How many fatalities. The answers change by the hour. The scope of the pandemic has never been equaled. There is nothing to which it can be objectively compared. The endless hype is only a symptom of an underlying issue.
We hate saying that we have no control.

Being able to talk about the stats, symptoms and numbers brings things down to the great world of The Describable. That world is one in which we are very comfortable. The only problem is that control is an illusion, and that knowledge is only what your senses can pick up and transfer to your brain.  
Rambam illustrates the reality of human limitation in his usual succinct way. “If you saw a bird, and also saw an iron bar, you can imagine an iron bird that flies in the sky”. He lived about a thousand years ago, but he already could envision a plane. However, “If you never saw a bird, and never saw metal, you would not be able to “see” a flying metal bird”. 

Human wisdom is compared to a ladder. You can walk up many rungs, but you can get stuck. The top of the ladder is where Hashem’s grandeur replaces the world that your senses project. To reach the top, you have to be humble. When you can step back you can finally get a more honest perspective as you put Hashem back in the picture. It means reaching a point in which your heart and mind agree, and they both find themselves saying,” I see what I see, but the entire picture belongs to You”.

Rambam also tells you that for Moshiach to come, one thing has to happen. You have to be educable. That doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect, Hashem’s commitment to His people doesn’t make perfection a pre requisite to becoming ourselves, which is what redemption really means. It means that you have to be humble enough to say “I don’t know”, and recognize that there is no one upon whom you can depend other than Hashem.

I am sure that in your life there have been times in which the rug was pulled out from under you. The flight was cancelled. The position was filled. He didn’t like you enough to marry you. The diagnosis was much less severe than what the illness actually was. These moments can be transformational.
In last week’s parshah you have Moshe making an interesting request. He asked Hashem to show him His glory. This may leave you wondering, didn’t Moshe read the beginning of this letter? Didn’t he know that humans don’t see the whole picture? He obviously did. He didn’t ask Hashem to see Him, He wanted to find Hashem’s glory.
So many things happen in the world that conceal Hashem’s glory. The hardest one to swallow is that the good people suffer at times, while at times the really bad ones seem to have easy pain free lives. The way this is put in the classical sources is “the problem of a tzadik who has evil and an evil man (rasha) who has good”. 

You can look at these words from an entirely different angle. Even the worst of us has some good. It may be buried under untold layers of selfishness, despair and fear. If you go to the trouble of seeking out this bit of good you can make a dramatic change. If you relate to it as the key to the deeper and more genuine piece of G-dliness in a person who has lived a bad life, you can change his way of relating to himself. His entire identity can be altered. For this reason, Hashem, who is the only one who knows anyone’s inner workings, will sometimes let the rasha see undisguised good, and let him find the place of peace, gratitude, and wonder that can change him if he is willing to be changed. Sometimes the opposite takes place, and with this, I will get personal.

You are good. So many of you are real Tzadikim. Knowing you has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. But you are tzadik v’ ra lo. A tzadik with some bad still hidden inside. You ask Rabbanim (and very rightly so!), “What is this for? What does Hashem want of us?” or “What should I change?”. The underlying whisper is, “I look at myself and see a clean slate. I don’t see anything that needs correction. What is there for me to do differently?”. Sometimes, Hashem in His kindness will present you with situations that can bring out the hidden tzadik in you. The tzadik that can only surface when things don’t go as you would have chosen. When the stress that this terrible plague brings everyone, hits home, the tzadik in you can come out. It can take you to recognizing that other people need your validation, that you need to express your care, that your prayers can come to express a deeper level of trust in Hashem than you ever believed that you had inside you.

So, I’ll end with a rather strange wish, which is that the plague be forgotten, that it be a rung that takes us closer to Moshiach (which feels so plausible given that everything else seem so surreal), and that its impression takes us to being more than we ever thought we could be.
​
Love,
Tziporah    
 

Dear friends,

It feels like Purim!
It’s not just the Neve girl’s costumes, or the need to plan a menu for a feast that begins at a set time but doesn’t end at any set time and features an uncertain number of guests.

When I was looking at the Parshah, it hit me. It’s the time of year when you can change your identity, and adapt a much happier and more positive one. What set me off in that direction was the narrative about the eight garments that were made for the Kohein Gadol.  There is a little bit of kohein in all of us, even those of us who are in no way related to Aharon’s descendants. Before the Torah was given, Hashem told us how it would transform us into being “A Holy nation and a kingdom of kohanim”, people who can uplift the beast within us, and who can bring down blessings. 

When you confront your real life; work, relationships, school, and living with yourself (which can be daunting), you can make choices. You can be a kohein. That means letting your life take you to a higher plane. The Kohein in you can see the beauty and design of nature and of your body, and at the same time experience the intricacy, challenge, and little victories that you have when you try to make your encounters with other people. They come more easily when you accept their “beastly self” and your own “beastly self” as being part of life, but not life itself. 

One of the more challenging parts of being a kohein (part time…) is that other people are hard to really know. Their souls (and your soul...) are an aspect of Hashem, Who has no limits, no description, and is invisible by its nature. You “see” the soul through the garments that it wears. The soul’s garments are thought, speech and action. Think about the people in your life who occupy significant amounts of space! You may find that communication is really your key in “seeing “their thoughts, and interpreting their actions. You are right (doesn’t that feel good?).

When Hashem created the first person, the Torah says that “He blew into him the soul of life”, which Targum Onkelos translates as “the spirit of speech”. The Midrash tells us that Hashem planned Adam before he brought anything else into being.  A “whisper” of everything that was created is part of Adam. Adam had the potential to take himself upward, and elevate the entire world along with him.  Adam was originally “clothed” in garments of spiritual light (Kutones ohr in the text), which were “bigdei kehunah”, a kohein’s garments. This means that his thoughts, speech, and actions (until the sin) were all done in ways that could have made him more and connected to his source.

Then things changed. The effect of the sin was that the “garments of light” were no longer his. He had betrayed his mission. Human thought speech and action sometimes looks really ugly. Periodic mass murders, now somewhat normal, tells you something about the face of action. The almost unprecedented verbal abuse and negativity in the public sphere all have a message. They tell you that somehow many people no longer think in terms of the inherent beauty and meaning of life, they are out of touch. Speech and thought have been compromised.

The situation isn’t hopeless. 

The Parshah tells you that Hashem provided garments that can replace the old ones. There are new ways of thinking, speaking and feeling, and of doing. You can learn how to change “clothing” and change direction.
Each one of the kohein gadol’s garments atoned for a specific area of failure, and opened the gate to replacing failure with change.

1-The trousers were made of pure white linin. They atoned for carnal sins; Through the Torah, base desire can be a source of profound spiritual connection by living a life of purity.

2-The shirt atoned for sins of bloodshed. It covered the heart, the seat of passion. Hatred can be rejected, and the same passions redirected into love, caring, and connection

3-The turban atoned for the kind of arrogance in which you can come to hearing only your own thoughts, and living to coronate yourself in endless acts of ego fulfillment. If you are aware of there being a Mind beyond and above your mind, you can make another choice. You can live to coronate Hashem, by replacing your will with His.

4-The Efod, a garment made of many colors and designed like an apron, covered the Kohein’s back. It atoned for idol worship. When you see the world as a self-contained system, with nature (which really is just a series of rules that repeat themselves) somehow exists independently, you can fall into all sorts of nature worship. Today, not that many of us are drawn to actually serving idols, but many of us worships nature in other ways. When you see the world through the eyes of a person who lives for pleasure, or for controlling, or for making money, who do they think is really running the show? When you look at the world for what it is, you can do one thing and change everything. Put Hashem back into the forces of nature that He authored. Look at the sun, and see it as raw energy, the source of all growth - you have all the components you need for idol worship. Look at the sun and see it as Hashem’s creation, His medium for generated growth, you have devotion.

5-The Choshen. Straps that extended over the Kohen’s shoulders had two onyx stones on them which were attached to the next garment. It was a rectangular piece of cloth, folded over so it had an inner “pocket”. Each side had a different design. The twelve tribes of Israel were represented by precious stones upon which their names were carved. When a parchment with a Divine Name was placed in the pocket, the stones had power similar to that of an oracle. Letters would light up to form words and at times messages. This garment atoned for sins in judging. You may feel that you never sit in judgment because you aren’t an actual judge. Mistake! You most probably act as judge and jury several times a day. You can develop a negative and distrustful relationship with others (if that’s what you want...). All you have to do is to judge them unfavorably at every possible occasion. You can change all of this! You can begin to question your interpretation of events. You can bring down brachah, like an actual kohein.

6-The next garment is the sash which atoned for thoughts that are so private that they are known only to your heart. Everyone has dark places. You can end up being consumed by guilt. Alternatively you can recognize that Hashem m is there wherever you are, and you can ask Him for His help.

7- The next garment is the coat. It was made of sky blue wool. It atoned for purposeless and negative speech. If you want to know who you are, listen to the words that come out of your mouth. When what you communicate reflects your awareness of Hashem in the soul of every person you encounter, you will not speak lashon hara. The “trick” is not to be blinded by superficial differences that make you brand people as “other”.

8-The tzitz: The Kohein wore a diadem (like a necklace, but worn on the head, so the chain goes over the head, and the words are on the Kohein’s forehead). The words were, “Kodesh La ’Hashem”, sanctified to G-d. This made not only the kohein, but everyone who saw the tzitz see them as they actually are. This leads to feeling the awe of Hashem’s knowledge of what you are, and awake a deep desire for Tshuvah.

Purim will be here soon! 

Whether or not you dress up on the outside, dress up on the inside. You can and will discover the self you like the best.
​
Love,
Tziporah

Dear friends,
​
Sometimes titles don’t tell you much, but this week when I was at Project Inspire, the title said it like it is.
The amount of people, and their variegated backgrounds was in and of itself inspiring. No one was there for any reason other than to try to learn how to be a source of inspiration to the huge number of unaffiliated Jews you come across just by being alive. The speakers were all wonderful. I shouldn’t say all. I didn’t hear most of them. The program was designed to make it possible to select which class you want to hear, and there were as many as six (!) classes going on simultaneously. I haven’t as yet learned the art of being at more than one place at a time, so I missed quite a few of them. They can be heard on Torah Anytime, so nothing is permanently gone.

The most moving speech of all was given by a man whose wife went on the famous JWRC trip to Israel. (I think that is the initial, but many of you will realize that I am talking about the trips that are organized to give women a sort of renewal of their relationship to Torah, and a reconnection to their roots). She came back with a real love of making challah. As far as he was concerned, this was a great hobby; he had no interest in the religious angle. It took time, and the willingness and patience of several rabbinic mentors, but he came to share the spiritual equivalent of adrenal rush that learning Torah gave him. Another speaker was able to succinctly tell parents that approval (which is necessary, but by definition related to what is done) isn’t the same thing as acceptance (which is even more necessary, because it has to do with being, not just with doing. By definition acceptance means that your child feels emotionally safe in your home). These two insights are just the tip of the iceberg. Just listening to the man who is the CEO of Aish, and watching a movie about its founder was another part of the experience, as was seeing some of the authentic Torah greats of our times relating to the need to reach out to ordinary people.

You may be wondering why I am telling you all this, after all it will be another year before there will be another Project Inspire weekend, and a lot of water will flow under the bridge until then. The reason is that we have just read Parshat is Trumah.

The word Trumah literally means “uplifting” even though its colloquial meaning is donation. Hashem told the Jews in the desert to “Take trumah for Me”. Notice it says that we should “take”, not “give”. How is donating material things taking? It feels more like giving. The most honest answer is the best way to take, is to give.

When you look at where your life has led you, and you look for the golden moments, you will often find that the moments when you gave of yourself in a way that had genuine meaning were right up there, far more than the moments when you received anything that a human can give.

The Torah tells you what the result of this kind of “taking is”. Hashem says, “Make Me a sanctuary and I will dwell in your midst”. If you give of yourself, then Hashem’s presence becomes part of your life.
The people in Project Inspire were takers just as much as they were givers. They were in the midst of the endless process called, “becoming”, and what made it even better was that the audience was just as much involved in this p process.

When I came home, I began to look for givers who are takers. In Neve it’s so easy to find them! Rabbi LIff (who heads mechina for those of you who live in a cave) gives constantly. Just yesterday, he mentioned that one of the teachers took notice of one of the student’s rather unusual last name. “This is the name of one of the most famous rabbis of his time. Are you a descendent?” the teacher asked. As things turned out, she is, and the moment of sensitivity to having deep roots wasn’t lost on her. When Rabbi Liff told me about this, he was literally beaming. He was so glad that the girl, who was only in Neve a short time, had an experience that touched her. The moment belonged to him almost as much as it belonged to her.
My Bnos Avigail girls made a musical Melave Malka, with original songs and dances as well as script that was both meaningful and funny (which doesn’t always happen as you know too well). I missed it because I was in the States. When the madrichot told me about it, they were there- enjoying “their” dances, songs and skits.

This Parshah and the coming ones are there to tell you how to do it. How to concretely and honestly become the kind of person who takes/gives and has Hashem dwell inside your heart. You will learn about what the Torah tells you your mind can be by learning and giving/taking by telling you all about the Ark of the Covenant. You will learn about your heart and soul by studying the menorah, about your body and your endless appetite for everything the world offers by studying the sacred table.

All the best!
Take in 
The World
And make it yours
To give

Love,
Tziporah

Dear friends,

Today is Tu Bishvat! It’s the Rosh Hashanah for trees, meaning at this time Hashem determines the way each tree will receive its nurture. The majority of rain has fallen, and now the sap will begin to rise from the ground, and feed the tree what it needs to grow. This year has been especially blessed, and I look forward to great Israeli fruit this summer.  If you aren’t expecting to be here to bite into the luscious summer fruit, you can very reasonably ask what the Rosh Hashanah of trees has to do with you. 

Winston Churchill had it right. He was the British Secretary of Foreign Affairs, and was assigned to Palestine, which was at that time a British protectorate. Tel Aviv was the first all Jewish city to be built. The mayor, Meir Dizingoff (yes, he was mayor Meir), presided over a dusty village that wanted badly to be resurrected as a city. When he heard that the Great Man was planning a trip to Tel Aviv, he became acutely aware of one problem. Churchill was expecting to visit a city, not an adolescent settlement. The decision was made. Saplings would be quickly planted along what was optimistically referred to as the Main Street. When the entourage arrived, the day was unusually windy. The saplings swayed and finally one by one they hit the sandy floor of what today is Kikar Rothchild. Churchill looked on and then faced Dizingoff and told him what I feel is one of the most important pieces of mussar that Tu BiShvat holds. “You have to have roots if you want to grow”.

Growing roots takes time. Humans ae compared to trees in the Torah (although it would be far more accurate to say that trees are compared to humans). The context is making war. Even under those circumstances, you don’t just destroy fruit trees, because, “A man is a tree of the field” they should not be wasted. We have roots branches and produce fruit. The worst thing you can do is waste your opportunity to be you. All of this growing takes time. When you “grow” yourself you don’t necessarily notice anything happening. You feel like you are the same person you were yesterday. This is an illusion. All growth that’s real, is subtle. You can nurture yourself by giving yourself the equivalent of water sun and earth. Kuzari compares Torah to water in this that it descends from a higher place, and is necessary to stay alive. You may say (honestly) that there are many people out there who are alive and well, and don’t make Torah part of their lives. The deeper question would be “how alive is alive”. Being alive means being the midst of constant change and growth. The Torah takes you places that you wouldn’t get to on your own, places within you that are more “elastic” than you realized.

A student told me that she loves Shabbos but hates its details. I asked her for an example, and she told me that refraining from washing off a tiny stain from a particle of food seems to her to be an innocent enough act. Why go around looking like your host didn’t give napkins, especially in Israel, where this is a distinct possibility? The answer is that everything that’s inside of you demands that you take control of your life, your appearance, and the way people perceive you. It’s easy to get stuck in the unending desire to always be in control. Shabbos takes you out of what the Kabbalists call the world of fragmentation. Your appearance, self-esteem, ultimate happiness may feel as though they are one, but they are not. The easiest way to see this is by asking yourself “If wasn’t Shabbos observant, and washing off the food would be a no-brainer. Would that mean that people would like me better, my self-esteem would be iron clad and my personal happiness set in stone? Of course, the answer is no, because this is a tiny fragment of life. Shabbos takes you to the “place” of unity, in which you see yourself as part of a greater whole, and surrender control to Hashem as a way of defining yourself as part of His plan. 

The sun you need is the mitzvos. The effect of sun is to generate growth. One example of how this works is the laws of charity. I am not a miser (just rather frugal…..), but I have no doubt that even if the Torah didn’t demand that I give charity, that I would. Twenty dollars here, ten dollars there, and perhaps if a particular cause touched my heart, something more substantial once every great while. There is no way that I would give away thousands of dollars a year, the way people do when they tithe their money. Once I began doing this, an interesting thing occurred. I no longer had a feeling of “owning” my money. It came to me via Hashem’s generosity in giving me what it takes to work, and the means to give charity. It’s His. Another interesting thing that happened is that instead of giving impulsively to whatever seemed most pressing at the time, I thought more about it because I felt that I had to deal with Hashem’s money with greater respect. 

The earth you need to grow is maintaining a connection to the stuff that makes you yourself, your holy ancestors and the earth of Eretz Yisrael in which they lived. You come from a people for whom growth is organic. There are innumerous peoples who are more populous; in fact, there are few peoples who as small in number as we are. Everything about the moral basis of Western civilization, all of the great world religions take their inner workings from us. 

Combining the water sun and earth is a long-term process. This is a great time to ask for the gift of patience and clarity, as you enjoy the fruit that Hashem has provided! The Talmud suggests that you pray for a good esrog. Most of you know that each of the four species that we take on Succot parallel a specific part of the human body. The esrog is the “heart” (and an actual heart is shaped like an esrog, not like a valentine). Let Hashem open your beautiful, feeling, sensitive heart.

So. Have a great too bishavat!
​
Love,
Tziporah

Dear friends,

Three phrases that can change your life “Isn’t it amazing?” “You are beloved” and “Challenge is good”.
I don’t know what will happen, but seeing the picture in the news of Jonathan Pollard and Ester, his wonderful wife with the headline, “May be soon released” made more than my day. It made me revisit the last time I spoke to Ester. My dear friend, Leah Faigin is a long-time friend and fan of the Pollards. She was kind enough to introduce me to Ester: Jonathan was not there for me to meet. He was serving his impossibly long prison sentence for spying for Israel. I wrote to him periodically, and sent him the weekly letters I write to you. He couldn’t write back; his funds and privileges were limited, and had to be saved for Ester and for his lawyers. Ester lived in Israel at the time. I called to invite her for a Shabbos. I will never forget what she said. “Yes. I will come with Yohonason as soon as it is possible”. I didn’t know what to think, let alone know what to say. She saw hope where I saw a fait accompli. He would never be here. Never be free. Doesn’t she get it? Sure, you should have bitachon, but don’t you have to be realistic. Why not come for Shabbos? My higher self soon answered my lower self. “She’s right! Anything is possible? When was the last time you thought about Kriyat Yam Suf- the splitting of the Sea? When you let yourself go back to the times when you were in Israel in 1967. Did you predict what would happen in just 6 days”. My higher self silenced my lower self, and my sceptiscm changed into deep admiration for Ester’s bitachon in a matter of a few moments. But the thoughts coming from the other side, my “realistic” self, returned. 

Then things changed. Mr. Pollard had been given 30 years, and served every day of it. Even then he was released to live a semi free existence. He was housebound in the literal sense every Shabbos. He had to wear a device that connected him to the security authorities, and couldn’t leave his tiny Manhattan apartment. His crime was letting Israel know the information America had about the danger Iraq posed as it progressed in building an atomic reactor.  In the end,  Americans used the information, and let Israel, its ally do the dirty work. The reactor was destroyed, as was decades of Pollard’s life. His sentence was unprecedented. People who had sold seriously dangerous information to enemy states were given prison sentences that dwarfed the one that he endured. President Trump is considering letting him finally be free to go to Israel to live, which has been his dream. My dream is unlikely to materialize any time soon. There were many people who were far more proactive than I was in trying to bring Pollard home, and when Ester and Yohonson decide that it is time for some social life, I doubt if I am (or should be) very high on the list.
You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this. The reason is that every so often its worth questioning your level of trust in Hashem. In Chovos HaLevavos (Duties of the Heart), Rabbenu Bachaya Ibn Pekuda tells you some ways in which you can get yourself “unstuck”.

1-Realize that people who believe in Hashem’s presence, love, and power, and who know that the Torah is true, may or may not think about these concepts very often. The reason is that the material world is so engaging! Tomorrow is Shop for Shabbos day. My daughter Chani is in the States for a visit, so it looks like I will be braving Cheaperkol’s Thursday lines. I can already see myself standing in front of the ice-cream freezer deep in thought. On one hand, ice cream sandwiches are really great. On the other hand, they have no fudge. Maybe the minis would be a better choice. You can eat a few without feeling guilty. I will spare you the rest of my soliloquy, but trust me, it’s not over till it’s over. This is only part one; since you and I like physical pleasures, you and I have to earn the cash to buy them. This is another grab at your emotional capacity. Oh yes. Don’t forget that living standards are continually rising. Gourmet food, season by season clothes shopping, and serious decorating are all normal. This certainly wasn’t the case a generation ago. Still more emotional grabbing. You may have very little time or passion left for anything real and enduring. He provides you with a profoundly moving answer, articulated with his usual erudition. I will put it to you in my words.

LEARN TO SAY, “ISN’T IT AMAZING?”

Revisit the ice cream display. Isn’t it amazing that Hashem created so many tastes and textures? Isn’t the way your body can handle them all (which is as you know a hugely complex process) really amazing? Isn’t the fact that you have more than your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents could ever have even dreamed of amazing? You have enough money to buy non-necessities (well some people consider ice cream a non-necessity) really amazing?

If you think like this, a very interesting change takes place. What is common place (hitting Cheaperkol on Thursday) becomes amazing. So much compassion, involvement, outpouring, form the Source of all things. What is almost unimaginable like the picture in the news of the Pollards smiling, becomes completely possible. Not prosaic, but not all that much bigger than life-not because their miracle became smaller, but because life became bigger.

Many of you sometimes feel stuck (at least that’s what you tell me when you write.). I am not going to tell you that things will change tomorrow.  I can’t tell you when or if you will find the right man, job, friends, college, or doctor. What I am telling you is the more attention you pay when you buy ice cream, the more you can see the world of the Possible with all of its beautiful colors and tastes.
​
Love,
Tziporah 

​Dear friends,

It’s THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. You are probably scratching your heads trying to figure out what I can possibly mean. There is no holiday coming up until Purim. Yes, TuBShvat is around the corner, but how early to I have to begin thinking about the Rosh Hashanah of ……the trees?

The time that I am referring to is Shovavim. This word is an acronym for the series of Parshas that will be read in the next six weeks (Shmos Vaeirah Bo, Bishalach, Yisro, Mishpatim). They are the ones that narrate our emergence as a people, beginning with the story of the enslavement and the beginnings of the exodus, and ending with the laws of Hashem’s justice that set us apart as people. It’s a time in which the national journey is meant to be reflected in making a personal journey towards greater freedom.

Huh?

As of last reading you were comfortably ensconced in your chair, trying your best to balance your life and hopefully enjoying most of the process of being alive. Do you need or want greater freedom If you are living a highly structured life, does that mean quitting your job/marriage/kids/other responsibilities that you have worked hard for? I can’t imagine that your secret fantasy is to get up in the morning (or whenever) with endless time stretching out before you, with nothing to do, no one to talk to, and nothing likely to change. “Man is made to toil” if you haven’t noticed, and this verse (from Mishlei) is unquestionably true. From that perspective, who really wants more freedom? 

You may want to free yourself of….yourself!

If you are like me, there is a self you want to be, and a self you actually are. They live together in uneasy peace. What keeps them apart? Slavery to desire, habit, and fears are slave-masters. They keep you enslaved to your self. Not the self you want to be, or even the self you are, but the self that lurks under the surface and pulls you down towards the self that you never ever want to be. 

No one is more enslaved than a baby. On the surface he is free, he can do whatever he wants, and no one can tell him otherwise. He is enslaved to his limitations needs and desires. He can’t make real choices and isn’t in charge of himself. If anything, a two-year-old throwing a tantrum is even less of a free person. His temper, (and yes, again) desires are all he knows. 

Being free ultimately means being able to find the part of you that is eternal. That part of you is even free of the inevitable fate of all of us, death itself. One of the illusions that you may have is that good deeds are over when they are over. This may be true on a simple level (the wallet you returned to the stranger is now safely in his pocket. End of story), but in the more genuine schema it isn’t. The good in any deed is a spark of something eternal. When you choose good over The Other Stuff, what you are really doing is choosing eternity over transience. All the fantasy, fear, base desires, selfishness that is hidden (thankfully) below the surface is doomed to oblivion. There is nothing within them that binds them to Hashem. 
The Tzadikim are free. They are who they want to be. No matter what is happening on the outside, they have a self that is unchained. 

When I graduated high school, the school gave the girls a book called Bastion of Faith as a gift. It was a story about one of the men I consider to have achieved a great deal of personal freedom He was the person he wanted to be under all circumstances. Many of you have heard of him, and possibly also heard this story. He was one of the greatest authorities on Jewish law in his time. His name was Rav Moshe Feinstein. He knew that ignorance enslaves. This awareness drove him to do battle with ignorance by becoming the head of one of America’s first yeshivos. He knew that assimilation robs you of your identity. He did battle against the assimilationist reality of his times, a reality that chained so many of your great grandparents to the dream of being anyone except who they are. Rav Feinstein went door to door collecting money to build a mikveh for the women of his Lower East Side community who wanted to still be themselves, freely and without apology.  This commitment included building people. Once when he was driven by car, his driver opened the door to let him in and accidently closed it on his hand. He knew that the young man would be devastated, so he remained silent until he reached his destination and freed his hand from the door. No force, not social convention, status, or even his own body could force him into subservience.

Does the exodus story inspire you? Let it put you in touch with yourself. You have the Torah that you learned inside, telling you what the choices really are. You have the freedom to choose your environment. You have the freedom to make your life the kind of life you dreamed of in Yerushalaim no matter where you are today. You are strong enough to do it. 
 
I wish I was really free
Like the Rav
Like Yocheved was when she stood up to Pharaoh
Like Pharaoh’s daughter was when she stretched her hand 
To save a child of a despised people
Free. like the person I could be.
​
Love,
Tziporah 

Dear friends,

It’s mid-term break, and more and more of you are showing up back here on the Ranch (okay-Neve and Bnos Avigail) every day. It’s amazing and really inspiring to see what you are doing and what you are becoming. Yerushalaim is a magnet. You all seem completely at home here, as though you just left a week or so ago, when so many of you are gone years longer. One of the best outcomes of your trip home, is that you still realize that it is a trip home. 

Almost, but not quite.

Tomorrow’s fast reminds all of us that we are not quite home. Even those of us who live here, barely know what being home once meant.  

The fast of the tenth of Teves commemorates the estrangement that is now part of our lives. 
There are three days in Teves that actually were “contenders” for being fast days because fasting for three days is far beyond most people’s capacity. The decision was made to have the 10th act as commemoration for all of the acts of tragic betrayal that took place on the 8th and 9th, 10th as well. Ptolemy (a hereditary title like Pharaoh) ruler of the Southern Kingdom of what was once the Greek Empire, demanded that 70 sages sit in separate cubicles and translate the Torah into Greek. On the surface of things (especially for those of you who are Art scroll addicts) this doesn’t seem to be a tragedy. Quite the opposite, the Torah will reach a wider audience, and Hashem’s word will be known to inestimably more people than would be the case if it were to remain accessible only to Hebrew speakers. The tragedy is that the Torah that interested the Greeks was its outer dimension. They grasped its beauty, elegance, and poetry. They had no idea of its holiness, nor did they really grasp what holiness is. They certainly had no use for mitzvos, especially the ones that demand that you go beyond your comfort level, and walk with faith. 

The 9th of Tevet marks the day of Ezra’s death. Ezra, the spiritual leader of the Jews who had returned to Israel after the first exile. Since his time many Tzadikim have died, and many seemingly more overwhelming tragedies have taken place. These leaves you wondering why his death is singled out for being a time to fast after over 2000 years have passed. 

Finally, the 10th of Tevet is commemorated for being the beginning of the end. Yerushalaim was surrounded and besieged. No one could leave or enter, making starvation a daily companion. The walls were breached in 13 places on the 17th of Tammuz, and finally the Bais HaMikdash was burnt in the midst of an unspeakable blood bath on the 9th of Av. On the surface of things this event both overshadows the others and is totally unrelated to any of them.

Ohr Gedalyahu is a book written by Rav Gedalya Schorr, of Torah Vodaas yeshiva. His own orientation was Chassidic, and he let the underlying themes of Chassidus and Kabbalah run through his writing. His essay on the 10th of Teves shows you how all three days (8th 9th and 10th of Teves) flow into one long and tragic one.

Ptomay wasn’t the Nosson Scherman of the ancient world, whose life work was to bring Torah to the masses. He was an archetypical Greek, who wanted the Torah translated so that his people could study it and come away with regard for its awesome beauty and elegance, and the depth of its wisdom. They had no real definition of kedushah, holiness, less recognition of G-d Being with us right here, right now, and still less intent to actually observe the mitzvos. This great divide between learning Torah and keeping Torah is still here today, alive and well. This is a genuine tragedy, because it relegates Torah into being dead, a piece of ancient history, rather than something alive enough for close to 100,000 people to celebrate the cycle of studying Talmud on a daily basis.  

The fast on the 9th day would have told us what had to happen to keep the Jews from being so enamored by Everything Greek that they forget anything beyond the was Torah’s form. Ezra re-introduced Ktav Ashuri, the kind of Hebrew lettering that was engraved on the Tablets of the Law, but was deemed too sacred to be used by the ordinary people. It never really found the way to the majority of people wrote. It was a holier form of writing, one in which each letter, vowel, space between words and letters is ripe with meaning. Ezra did what no other leader or prophet did before him or after. He got the people to do tshuvah. Something even Moshe was unable to pull off. One of the ways in which this took place was by teaching the deeper meaning of each letter. Gematria etc. isn’t relevant in any other form of writing except the one that Ezra taught; a language in which the letters had “souls” not just bodies, souls that had been forgotten by the masses. His death put an end to the era of return, a place that we have as yet to re-visit, hopefully soon.
Fasting takes you out of the business of eating to survive, and living to eat. It makes you aware that there is sanctity here and now, and that each letter of the Torah is far from random.

Let the fast bring you closer to who you are, and let it inform you about who you don’t want to be, at least not any longer. You have the strength to make a clean break with Greek-Think, you can search for the Torah’s relevance, and not just its beauty. You can can be one of the most important players. You have to know how to “read” the Torah, by hearing it speak to you daily, This can get you and all the rest of us closer to the day when the destruction will be replaced by an era of renewal and redemption. 
​
Love, 
Tziporah

Dear friends,

Did you ever think that you need a vacation from a vacation? That’s how I felt when I left the Kotel the final night of Chanukah. The Kotel was as usually overwhelmingly full of its eternal beauty, from its stones to the serious daveners to the clueless tourists who are all there to find something more. It’s time to move from the stark contrast of the deep black of the Hellenistic culture of self and the flame of the way Torah burnt its emblem in the hearts of the Macabees. It’s time to just head home, make this week’s menu, put up the colored wash, and get on with the subtle joy of the ordinary.

Then I read the news. There was a sum up of the latest wave of anti-Semitism that rolled over America in the last months. Over Chanukah alone there were 13 reported incidents. It finally hit home-things are different now. Does that mean that escalating violence is the new normal? Maybe-not being a prophet- I don’t have the latest word. This is of course not the first time we were hated, nor is it the first time that this kind of thing took place in the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free. It is, however the first time I personally realized that my tacit assumption that It Can’t Happen Here is based on nothing but optimism.  The force of this realization made it hard to retreat into the delightful monotone I had planned on enjoying, and maybe that’s how it has to be.

Historically there are three responses that work, all of which are learned from the way Yaakov responded to Eisov’s hostility when he found out that Eisov was planning an attack:

1-The first and most important one is tefillah. Our only real strength as a people are in our words. We have never been empire builders or knights in shining armor. Speech is the bridge between the soul and the body-it gives expression to the soul by using the body, the mouth teeth, tongue etc. We are good at making that kind of bridge. We are people of soul. We also know how to use he physical world to serve Hashem. Real prayer means addressing your soul and body to Hashem, and using words to express your utter dependency on Him, and your trust that the One who sustains every leaf on every tree sustains you as well. Don’t sabotage this realization by getting into “I deserve more/better because You owe me”, since we owe Him everything it’s a bad negotiation tactic. Let Tefillah do its job. It’s meant to express the hidden love and awe that can get lost in day to day life. Hashem answers sincere prayer, and that is why it is step one. 

2-Appeasment is also valid even though it has such awful connotations. If being willing to financially participate in valid neighborhood projects, walking the extra mile to be kind, being willing to let honesty and integrity mean being willing to sometimes NOT stand up for your rights in the system. There are people who look at us through Lavan’s eyes. When Yaakov left after decades of work, mistreatment, deceit, Lavan said, “The girls (Yaakov’s wives, for whom he worked 14 years!) are my daughters. The sheep (for whom he worked on Lavan’s terms) are my sheep. Everything you have is mine”. If we can be less conspicuous in our spending even though our money is earned, Sforno points out, we may be doing ourselves a favor.

3-Self- defense. Yaakov was willing to fight to save himself and his family. He would not accept passivity or defeatism to be his final farewell. This is too important to forget. We need to be conscious of security and also less passive about the double talk that comes from the higher windows. Hatred can’t be tolerated, but is it really dealt with? Are the perpetrators really imprisoned?  Being militant can mean thinking that “I can be strong enough to save myself” without Hashem’s help.  Nothing can be further from the truth. Your role would be to express the way you believe that He is here for you by making efforts that demonstrate how much you value your life.

Some people have asked me (remember, me-Tziporah the non-prophet) whether it’s time to move to Israel. You know me. From my perspective it’s ALWAYS the time to move to Israel. What could be better than the Kotel on a cold winter night? It’s good to come to Eretz Yisrael. I am certainly not about to say that I have the depth of insight to know whether or not it’s the time to move from the U.S. What I do know is that its time to be sure that you are glad that you are you and not them-the haters.

Yaakov’s formula of prayer, appeasement, and self-defense should ideally give you back the inner peace to let yourself be in two places at once; You are as secure in your place in Hashem’s Hands as a baby is in his mother’s lap. He doesn’t know or care where else he is. We have weathered a lot, but we are here living our lives with simchah, higher consciousness, and fun.

For those of you in Israel, I am enclosing an ad for a Shabbos devoted to regaining Simchas Chaim!
For those of you who are in Israel and those of you who are not, I will conclude with my wishes that 
You see Hashem in the ordinary
And in the fire and the dark
That your words touch your heart
And your love of life replace your fear 
Of death and destruction
​
Love,
Tziporah