This picture of Rachel's Tomb compliments 
                    of Avrohom Dovid
            http://www.ThirdTemple.com        

SELECTED INSIGHTS INTO THE QUALITIES OF THE IDEAL WOMAN (Based on "Eishes Chayil")

"Who can find a woman of valor? For her value is far above pearls."

The ultimate praiseworthy woman is called an Eishes Chayil, woman of valor. Chayil - valor - comes from the same root as chayal - soldier - and literally means strength. When God tells Moshe to seek out anshei Chayil to be judges, however, He is referring to men of wealth (which is, after all, one source of power).

What exactly does being wealthy mean? Wealth is conventionally understood as the condition of having considerably more than one needs. Yet the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos, Chapters of the Fathers (an exposition of ethical teachings), defines a rich person as one who is satisfied with his portion, regardless of its objective size. On the verse: "All the days of the poor man are bad," the Gaon of Vilna explains that the truest of all forms of poverty is that which is brought about by having a nefesh rechavah, a spirit so broad in its neediness that it cannot be satisfied by anything the world provides.

Does this view from our own sources mesh with the popular understanding of wealth? Yes, because in fact, Hashem gives everyone more than he needs, and one's appreciation of what he has is a matter of choice. This is something we can see if we each look closely at our portion. A five-minute review in which we thank God for all the good we experienced during a given day is often a powerful tool in clarifying our perspective. For example: "I woke up in Yerushalayim, in my own home, with my children safe. There was hot water in the bathroom, the weather was good, and the refrigerator is stocked to a degree that my ancestors never could have imagined…" creates a sense entirely different from the "another day, another stove to clean" mentality. My own personal experience with this spiritual exercise affected my vision of reality very deeply. We see our portion as being less because we take what we have for granted and notice only what we do not have.

So the poem begins by referring to the ideal Jewish woman as one who has the awareness of being blessed with abundance. She is thus a woman of wealth.

This is particularly to her credit because of the factors that are ever present in many women's lives, which can lead a woman to negativism. On a deep level, women tend more towards tzaras ayin, "narrowness of the eye," than do men. This flaw can lead to a certain stinginess, and even to begrudging others the good they have.

This may afflict women in particular because of the complexity of their role as nurturers. Nurturing involves learning that what one gives must suit the recipient's need rather than one's own emotional need to give. Part of this process is being careful not to give too much.